AroAce

🦢 Swanromantic

Swanromantic is a microlabel on the aromantic spectrum for someone who experiences romantic attraction toward only one person in their entire life — and never feels romantic attraction to anyone else.

The label is inspired by swans, who are known to form a single, lifelong bond with one mate. In the same way, a swanromantic person may only ever fall in love once, forming a deep and exclusive romantic connection that doesn't repeat or shift to anyone else, even after separation or time.

• This is not just about commitment — it's about how the person experiences attraction at their core.

• It can be used as a standalone identity or alongside others (like bi, gay, or ace).

• Swanromantic people often don’t develop romantic crushes or interests beyond that one singular bond

No flag :c feel free to make one

I am sooooo boreeed! And what is my way of not being bored? Reading books, playing crk or coining stuff! And I am choosing the 3rd rn! And the community to coin is Orientation Wiki! Yaay! So I will be coining 3 things, Puresexual, Pureamorous and Pureromantic!

Firstly, I want to remind y'all that I was the person that coined Puregender in the Gender Wiki, and it is normal for me to use the same prefix for orientations. So now, I present y'all the descriptions of those new orientations and their flags!

1) Puresexual:

Puresexual term is used for people who has little interest in sex, regardless of gender, but desires more. It can be misunderstood as asexual, but even tho it is not the clearest, they have some interest in sex.

2) Pureromantic:

Pureromantic term is used for people who has little interest in romance, regardless of gender, but desires more. It can be misunderstood as aromantic, but even tho it is not the clearest, they have some interest in romance.

3) Pureamorous:

Pureamorous term is used for people who has little interest in relationships, regardless of gender, but desires more. It can be misunderstood as nonamorous, but even tho it is not the clearest, they have some interest in relationships.

Add that flag pils

VirexGender: The Freedom to Be Fluid and Authentic https://medium.com/@vgender/virexgender-the-freedom-to-be-fluid-and-authentic-1e5884bad686

I was on Reddit and saw a comic about an asexual person not knowing how other people just find people attractive, so they just go with what other people say is ‘attractive’. And I didn't relate to that at all. I find people sexually and romantically appealing and wish to date them, so I thought I wasn't aro/ace. But then someone said, “every time i think someone is attractive it's either cuz they're nice to me or aesthetically attractive as in they look nice in an outift” which is what I went through ALL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! If someone was nice to me I had a crush on them, so I'm either hyper-romantic or aromantic. If someone was even the slightest bit nice to me I'd get a crush on them.

I know definitely that I'm fictoromantic/sexual, but I also like real-life people, so for this, I'm not counting fictional characters.

I've had crushes in the past. People I DEFINITELY wanted to be romantic with. But nowadays, the act of being romantic or sexual or doing ANYTHING that requires physical touch from someone I'm not related to grosses me out and makes me super uncomfortable. I don't understand why people would want to tie themselves down to ONE person when there are 8 billion people on the planet. I don't get how couples are obsessed with each other, they’re just another person, just because you are dating doesn't mean they are somehow better than everyone else. I don't understand how couples DON’T JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER. Open communication is NOT that hard. I honestly can't tell if this is my autism talking or if I'm aro/ace. Also, the physical touch thing could just be a sensory issue. I HATE the feeling of other people’s skin touching mine. It's so gross.

But I also don't want to date people. Dating someone sounds horrible despite the fact I (at least I think) feel attraction. Dating people sounds HORRIBLE! I would hate to tie myself to 1 person my whole life, but I don't want to be in an open relationship or whatever because I want to be the only person my partner loves.

The problem is that I find people attractive so I can't be aroace! So am I agamous? Some other 3rd thing? I can't be agamous because I’m monogamish. It doesn't make sense…

— Moss (they/them/he)

I’m starting to realize that I might not actually want to have a significant other. Obviously, I’m single right now so I sleep in my own bed, which is a twin size bed in my own bedroom. Since I sleep by myself, I can move around as much as I want without consequences. But I won’t be able to do that if I sleep in the same bed as somebody else cause they’re gonna be annoyed about how much I move around in order to find a comfortable position. Why would I wanna spend the rest of my life holding myself back just to make somebody else comfortable? In this context, why would I spend the rest of my life sleeping in uncomfortable positions because I wouldn’t want to bother somebody else by moving around a lot in the same bed? Being in a relationship sounds horrible!

But I don’t think I’m aroace since I still find people attractive. But I would never ever want to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with another human being. I barely want to be in a platonic relationship with anybody. From my understanding, being aroace means that you genuinely do not find people attractive in that kind of way, which is just not something that I am. I still find people attractive romantically, and sexually, at least I think I do? I would never want to be in a relationship with another person, I just genuinely don’t understand why somebody would want to ruin their own life by having to be tied down to another person. Being in a relationship sounds horrible because you always have to worry about the comfort of another person on an intimate level. If given the chance to be forever alone or marry my soulmate, I would choose to be single for the rest of my life. I’ve been in several romantic relationships, and I hated every single one of them and I was so glad that they didn’t last longer than a week. But I still do get crushes on people and they still do feel romantic attraction to some capacity. I just feel extremely uncomfortable with being in any type of relationship.

I just don't understand the whole 'being attracted to another person' and 'wanting to spend my life with someone else' thing. That sounds horrible! But my family will tell me I'll grow out of this and that I'll find someone and that I'll want kids in 10 years time since 'it's different when it's your kids' when I expressed my hatred for children + babies.

I guess it also counts as the fact that I have to dedicate myself to another person, as well as the knowledge that even if we weren't living together, I would still be aware of the fact that I'm in a relationship with somebody else. I don't want to be in a relationship. Just the idea of being in a romantic relationship with another person makes me uncomfortable. JUST THE IDEA MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE! I've been in romantic relationships before and they make me extremely uncomfortable, and I don't wanna be touched or near the person whatsoever. I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship, as it makes me anxious and I don't want to be close to or touched by anyone. Just the CONCEPT of being dedicated and in a relationship with somebody else makes me uncomfortable. I don't wanna dedicate myself to just 1 person, but I'm not polyamorous in any way that I can tell right now. If anything, being polyamorous is also repulsive, because I also have to dedicate myself to more people than just 1 person. I have to be in a relationship with multiple people instead of just 1. It's the same uncomfortable feeling I'm having with monogamy but worse because it's amplified because there's more people involved. I just don't like the idea of being in a relationship.

I like the idea of being in a relationship with somebody (MAINLY FICTIONAL CHARACTERS INSTEAD OF REAL LIFE PEOPLE; I can still feel the desire to be in a relationship with a real person, but it's not something I particularly want even though I do desire it (yes, there's a difference between WANTING something and DESIRING something)). I still desire romantic intimacy and stuff like that, but once I actually start to get into a relationship with somebody, I don't like that anymore and I'm not attracted to them anymore. Once a relationship begins, I'm just completely disgusted and uncomfortable with them being near me or touching me (non-sexually; because I'm still a virgin and do not want to have sex).

It's really weird because I both DO and DON'T desire being in a relationship. It's both something I heavily desire but also something that heavily repulses me.

So I'm a mix of frayromantic-apothiromantic IRL and aegoromantic-fictoromantic-cogitariromantic.

SO ALL TOGETHER THIS MEANS: I don't like being in relationships IRL because they make me heavily uncomfortable (apothiromantic), but I do SOMEWHAT like being in situations where we are just talking and hanging out but are a little bit more than just friends; you know, we are NOT romantically involved, even though we spend a lot of intimate time together (frayromantic). I do experience attraction (of all types really), crushes, and fantasies inside my head (cogitariromantic and aegoromantic), and I do experience it with real-life people (semi-veritaromantic) SOMETIMES, but it's MAINLY directed at fictional characters (fictoromantic). I also enjoy romance in media (bellusromantic and aegoromantic), but not directed at me (apothiromantic).

I've also experienced these feelings towards both boys and girls and non-binary (and everybody under this label) people, and I mainly find boys (cisgender, transgender, or non-binary male people of any presentation) attractive. Meaning I'm omniromantic since I like everyone and have a preference/I'm not gender-blind.

This is horrible… way to many labels to describe something so small to me.

I don't want to introduce myself to others by going 'hey! Here's a Google Doc sheet of all my labels!', that's annoying. This is why I like only have 2 or 3 labels at a time, but I can't find just 2 that I like because my identity is WAY to complicated...

((advice + label suggestions are welcome /gen /vpos))

— Raymond/Rae (she/they)

First of all, hi. I'm not a usual on this wiki, and this is the first time I've been on here due to a sexual crisis.

So, over the past few years, I've been switching sex's because of my preferences. I've swapped from bi, to pan, to lesbian, and am currently struggling to decide what I am. I feel like a lesbian, and have only talked about boy crushes and that junk when I want to fake it for the sake of appearances. But I've recently gained a sense of self-confidence and started walking the crisis path. I don't think I'm straight or bi, and only feel attracted to girls, tbh. But I also haven't ever really gained attraction, with that only happening once after I formed a close bond with the crush. I was wondering, what do I classify as, or can someone help me? I'm currently going by lesbian & aroace, but I don't know and feel like I am comfortable with that yet.

Does anyone have some advice?

I've been struggling with my sexuality lately. I think I'm aromantic but maybe I'm aroace? I have been identifying as a lesbian but I don't feel like it fits. I like women and I don't think I like men. The only men I have ever been attracted to are fictional and even then it felt more like I wanted to be them or be their friend. I can't really see myself in a relationship with a man.

Also very recently I realized my gender is either Intrafeminflux or Androgyne I don't know if that will help or not but yeah

I've seen some aroace people saying that they are dating someone, and I'm here to learn more about it!

I understand queerplatonic relationships, but I'm talking about romantically. I've seen aroace people talk about their romantic partners or wanting to be in a romantic relationship, and I don't understand it. I'm aego aroace, I sometimes feel romantic/sexual feelings, but I don't really want to date people IRL. So I'm curious.

— Raymond/Rae (she/they/he)

I had to create a new account which is super sad :(

But thats not what this is about

Is there a romantic orientation where you feel/like romanticism/romantic attraction when alone (physically) but it goes away when you are in the presence of another person?

If i need to elaborate more feel free to ask and ill do my best to explain.

Local Aroaceflux over here :>

-Aaron he/him

So, for queer labels (since I've been struggling lately to find the right one)… is it best to pick what I want instead of how I feel? For example, I’m not interested in dating or being in a sexual relationship, ever, so it’s best to just say that I am aroace despite the fact I’m sorta attracted to people (aroaceflux/aego aroace)?

I remember somebody telling me a WHILE ago that they identify as non-binary despite the fact that they are pangender. They say they’re non-binary just so it makes sense for other people to understand, despite the fact that they know deep down inside that they are pangender.

So I kinda wanted to do the same thing, but with aroace (sexuality instead of gender).

— Rae (they/she)

What I want more is platonic-romantic relationships rather than romantic and sexual relationships. What I mean by platonic-romantic relationships is a strictly platonic relationship, but we do things in a very affectionate way that would be typically reserved for people who are in a romantic relationship. So, queerplatonic relationship (even if it is a heterosexual passing relationship). So does that make me aroace? Because I don't necessarily desire a romantic and sexual relationship, despite still wanting it? I still have a sex drive and I still want to be emotionally close with people in a kind of romantic way, but thinking about myself in a romantic and/or sexual relationship physically repulses me. It just makes me highly uncomfortable.

In some way, shape, or form, I still desire romantic and sexual relationships, but I don't necessarily want one in real life. Only in my fantasies! Even though I do desire them in real life, I don't WANT one in real life. Actually engaging with someone like this doesn't really seem appetizing to me. I HATE physical touch, especially from people I'm not related to. So any kind of relationship where I have to touch another person is out of the question, but I still have desires and a high libido. So I'm just really confused about my desires and what I really want in reality and what label I would fall into because of this.

I know it’s yummy

Does anybody know if there is another term for fixaromantic if said individual doesn't identify as aroace after they're done hyperfixating on somebody? I personally resonate with hyperfixating on people and feeling romantic attraction, however, I identify as Graysexual and Omnisexual (I believe, still trying to figure it out). Does anyone know another term? Thanks! :3

Ive had a very long gender and orientation journey over the years.

I first deiscovered i liked women at the age of ten and by eleven i identified as bisexual.

Later i discovered more genders and then identified as bisexual and polyromantic.

Once I got into high school I started questioning if i was ace. Which later I found out I was Abro- (sexual and romantic).

Since then I have been all over the ace and aro spectrum. The primary labels i've stuck with are bisexual, androromantic and aroaceflux. But im starting to wonder if i might be lesbian....

Orientaion labels can be hard because many tend to rely on gender, being gxnderflxid makes it kind of difficult.

I think ive figured out i only want to be in romantic relationships with men and not women. But i think im starting to realize i want a s3xual relationship with women (or a femal aligned individual), not men (or masc aligned individuals).

I feel some attraction towards men but dont ever really want to do anything about it. But women make me feel a whole different way. So i guess maybe i'd just be a fem leaning bisexual?

I dont really know if i can use the label lesbian because i'd like to consider myself male-aligned and am also still attracted to men

To try and sum it up. Im a masc leaning genderfluid who romantically is attracted to women (slightly) and men, but only wants to date men. And who is s3xually attracted to women and men (slighlty), but only wants to be intimate with women (men occasionally)

Can anyone helpp....?

Aaron ,, Any prns

******[I can't find a way to make this sound not transphobic. So just know that I am //not// being transphobic; I'm just trying to specify what I'm experiencing in terms of "adult attraction" (since I know most of you guys are under 18...)]******

CW: Caps, mention of male and female genitalia (nothing graphic), Generalizations

I'm a lot happier thinking of myself as a boy because I am a boy (AFAB). I've always been a boy. It's just that the outside doesn't show what the inside is. What I am is a boy who is gender neutral and occasionally feels like a girl who is attracted to both boys and girls and everyone else, but is mostly satisfied with fantasies and doesn't always 100% of the time actually want to date anybody, but occasionally I have a super intense and depressing longing for a romantic companionship with somebody.

Damn, if I wasn't multisexual, then I would actually consider myself straight, meaning that I am attracted to girls. The first time I've ever actually considered myself as that. I don't know why today I just feel very aligned with being a male.

You know what? I'm also actually incredibly gay. Like [male genitalia]! But [female genitalia]! Both are so good and amazing, and I want both! I don't care what their internal sense of identity is; you either have a [male genitalia] or a [female genitalia], no one between (disregarding intersex because that’s usually a chromosome or hormone thing). It doesn't matter if you were born with it or not. I do not care. If you have a [male genitalia] or a [female genitalia], then there is a HIGH likelihood that I will be attracted to you.

Like, obviously, I care for, respect, and love somebody's gender identity, regardless of what it is. I'm not a jerk.

But when it comes to romantic attraction, if I find a person's physical attributes attractive (aesthetic attraction), which is usually regardless of their gender identity, then I am attracted to them romantically, but in regards to sexual attraction, I am attracted to literally ANYBODY (ANY GENDER) who has male or female genitalia. This includes LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET!

I'm not saying that someone's gender identity isn't valid; I'm just saying it isn't a factor when I'm attracted to someone.

— Rowan (he/they/vae)

I keep having periods where I think I am aroace and then I think I’m allo- and then I think I’m hyper-. Is this like the genderfluid of sexuality? Am I even aroace? I do experience SOME LEVEL of attraction, I just never wish to act on it. Am I greysexual? Or am I just overthinking this?

Like, I do want to date people and have sexual relations with people, but I also don’t want it at the same time. You could say that I only want it in my head and I don’t want it in reality. I’ve dated people in reality and it’s just so anxiety inducing, and I don’t like it at all, and I never want people to touch me or romantically/sexually engage with me, but I’m like so hyperromantic inside my head, dating every single fictional person or real person from my own life inside my head. Am I just allo- and I’m just overthinking this? I am so confused about this.

— Rowan (he/they)

Ok my friend has a question about their romantic orentaions term.so they experience the wanting of romantic attraction but don't like romantic things. they are pretty sure they are aroace, but are questioning the thought of them being aromantic. I personally think they are cupioromantic, but thoughts?

I do feel attraction; I'm just not comfortable acting on it. I don't like touching other people/being touched; I don't like doing romantic things; and I've never had sex before and never really plan to, as I could just please myself since I know my own body better than other people know my body.

But the fact that I do experience these things and wish to have a partner but never want to act on it makes me so confused. Maybe I just have problems with touch; maybe I'm narcissistic, so I don't feel that emotional connection between me and other people; and I have severe social anxiety. For me, that isn't a valid reason to be considered aroace-spec. It's a valid reason for other people. I just hold myself to higher standards than everyone else because I have to be better than everyone else at everything.

People are telling me things I already know. So maybe the problem isn't that I don't know who I am, but that I just refuse to accept who I am.

So I guess non-binary and bisexual fit perfectly, but I'm not sure about aroaceflux.

I'm confident with non-binary and bisexual, but aroace has always been a label I wasn't 100% sure on. I mean, the whole reason I started to believe I was aromantic was because it started as a joke ("Ew, love!") for me to get out of the awkward sex scenes while watching movies with my mom. And then it turned into real life, where romance irl and in movies was gross and I wanted no part in it, and then a while later the same could be said about sex.

I'm not a man or a woman; I'm whatever I want to be. I find men and women attractive, and I want to date and spicy cuddle with them. Maybe I'm just insecure about being inexperienced. I've always had this fantasy about meeting someone at a young age and being soulmates; that way we can grow up together, that way we're both as experienced and madly in love.

Maybe that's why I think I'm aroace? I don't know. A lot of people have said I'm allo or fray, but fray's not true. If anything, becoming deeply connected with someone makes my love for them stronger. But if we were to break up, it hurt a little, but I didn't care all that much and moved on in a week or so. Maybe I'm aemotional or analterous?

I don't know. I'm confused and really stressed about school right now, so I'm looking at ways to avoid doing school, and having a crisis over my identity is a great way to get out of doing work without feeling guilty about it.

— Rowan (he/him)

There are so many reasons as to why I don't think I'm aroace(flux), like social anxiety, not being shown love as a child so I genuinely don't understand love in any context, past abusive lovers.

It's so easy for me to fall in love with someone, but is that really love, because it can go away (sometimes forever for that person) very easily? Like, first I fall in love with how a person looks or sounds, then their personality and how they treat me, and if step 2 isn't a factor (like if I see someone online), then it's recognizing their gender.

So I have 2 main questions:

1. Am I aroace or do I just not know how to show love in any context (romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.)? And;

2. Does gender play a factor in my attraction?

Well, right now, I am both attracted to men, but also very discussed by dating and marrying a man and rather die alone than get married to a cisgender AMAB man, but that could just be being rebellious towards queerphobes. I tend to go on 'strike' when stuff like this happens. So, is this a strike towards queerphobes, or do I currently not like men?

It's hard to tell.

When I describe who I like, it's mainly men and women, because those are the most common genders, between trans, cis, genderfluid, etc., and I live in a very religious town, so there are only men and women here. But I like feminine people; masculine people; muscular women; soft, kind men; androgynous people; tomboys; femboys; every stage of a person's HRT transition; feminine non-binary people; masculine non-binary people; androgynous non-binary people; people with busty boobs; people with big butts; high fem people; high masc people; city women; country men; goth people; punk people; you get the point.

Everyone's hot, but I usually just say I'm attracted to men and women. So, is that bisexual or pansexual? I said "people" because "feminine people" could be men, "people with busty boobs" could be agender, etc.

I honestly don't know. I'm confused about this. Bisexual is a comfort term; it makes me feel nice, but it feels like I'm retreating to a simpler label. Pansexuality gives me confidence; it makes me feel powerful, but I hate the stereotypes around it and the stupid pan jokes.

I feel both apothi- and hyper- at the same time. It's a "yes, but no" situation. I like it, I desire it, but I don't want it.

I don't feel that guilty about being queer, just scared.

I don't feel pressured by society or my family to be CisHet, I feel pressured by God. I like my religion, I just wish I had more freedom to do things I enjoy.

Not only will God judge my life, but he also judges my thoughts and desires when I am in spirit prison and waiting to go to hell or heaven.

I feel pretty CisHet right now. I feel womanly, I guess, and I am currently attracted to a guy, so I guess I'll just be this. But it doesn't feel genuine, is my problem.

I think the only reason I find both men and women attractive is that it's a trauma response. I have both issues with my mother and father, so maybe I'm just trying to fill the void that my own parents couldn't.

CW: Talk of kinks, grooming, abuse (all are not graphic)

I do have a daddy kink. Both in the sense of the daddy kink, but also that I find men acting like fathers to their children attractive. Just a father holding and interacting with his baby is extremely attractive. I don't know if that's the baby fever or the LDS/Morman (we’re groomed to be mothers from birth) part of my brain or what. And men being kind, gentle, and acting like gentlemen to their girlfriends/wives hits a spot that instantly makes me heterosexual.

I think the only reason I find both men and women attractive is that it's a trauma response. I have both issues with my mother and father, so maybe I'm just trying to fill the void that my own parents couldn't. Because I DO also have a mommy kink. Maybe that's because my mother is dominant over me because she views me as lower than her. So maybe that's why I want to be dominant over other women in bed. So maybe that's just a trauma response of me wanting to take back my childhood, or something. I don't know. Sometimes I just really introspective when I shouldn't. I spend to much time in my head.

So maybe I really am CisHet. I'm just a masculine girl and want to reclaim my abusive childhood by taking control of something.

I've become obsessed with the queer community. It's not about finding myself, it's about controlling something in me. So maybe I'm not really queer. I don't know. I don't know a lot of things.

Maybe I'm just overthinking everything. Maybe I just don't like my birth name since no one knows how to pronounce it. Maybe I'm just freedressing. Maybe I don't care what people call me and it has nothing to do with only wanting to be called boy words and terms. I mean, being pronoun non-conforming doesn't instantly make you queer, right? I can still be they/he/zhe/she without being genderqueer? I've been told pronouns don't equal gender, or am I misunderstanding that?

But if I really was CisHet, would I REALLY question my identity THIS much (over 10 years)? Or am I overthinking this again?

— Rowan (he/him)

I can’t tell if I am aroace or if I just have social anxiety. I know that’s a bad take and probably makes me seem like a jerk, but I genuinely don’t know. I used to be a lot more sociable when I was little; my social anxiety was a lot better when I was little and only got worse as I got older, but I kind of felt the same way as I do now. I guess when I was little, I only did it for the rush of having a crush on someone. I’m hyperromantic (the romantic version of hypersexual), and even nowadays, I want to date and love everyone. When I was a kid, 80% of the games I played on the playground revolved around me forcing my friends to ask my crush if he liked me back or playing games where we were married or were dating someone (an imaginary guy since we couldn’t pull real boyfriends).

Everyone is hot and attractive, but God knows I’d never actually make any moves to date them. I started having panic attacks when I would flirt with people in the past (freshman year was horrible. So much anxiety). That is the main reason I haven’t pursued any type of relationship, not even friendship, since middle school started.

I’m not nonamorous, as I still desire long-term relationships.

You know what? Just throw away my entire identity. We’re going to start over again.

This is making me mad. How can I be hyper- and apothi- at the same time??? This is why I’m starting to think it’s just social anxiety and that I’m just pansexual/panromantic. I desire these things; they're good on paper but not in practice. Maybe I’m allo- and romance/sex-averse. You can be both of those at the same time, right?

I was so happy with aroaceflux and not pansexual, and now I really like pansexual and question if I’m aroaceflux. This is not fun. We are not vibing.

Is there any way of knowing which one I am?

In good news, because I've been so down in the dumps lately and I need some good news in my life: someone called me Rowan, and I got really happy and blushy. I love my name.

— Rowan (he/him, they/them)