Lesbian

The last week of August every year is Lesbian Visibility Week. During this week is also Lesbian Visibility Day, which is on the 26th.

If you are lesbian, your invisibility potion has run out! I can see you! /j /silly

I'm bringing back the pixel art for this one (if you don't know, I used to do pixel art for each visibility day that came up, for a while)

Usually, I'd do cats, but I wanted to do a person, so I did a person.

First of all, hi. I'm not a usual on this wiki, and this is the first time I've been on here due to a sexual crisis.

So, over the past few years, I've been switching sex's because of my preferences. I've swapped from bi, to pan, to lesbian, and am currently struggling to decide what I am. I feel like a lesbian, and have only talked about boy crushes and that junk when I want to fake it for the sake of appearances. But I've recently gained a sense of self-confidence and started walking the crisis path. I don't think I'm straight or bi, and only feel attracted to girls, tbh. But I also haven't ever really gained attraction, with that only happening once after I formed a close bond with the crush. I was wondering, what do I classify as, or can someone help me? I'm currently going by lesbian & aroace, but I don't know and feel like I am comfortable with that yet.

Does anyone have some advice?

If you use the terms lesbian and gay interchangeably, can you consider yourself to be a "gaybian" (as in identifying as both gay and lesbian)? For example, a woman that experiences homoaesthetic attraction to other women using both terms for that attraction

I'm asking this because of myself (though I'm not homoaesthetic)

I consider myself gay since I am a perioriented homoromantic and monomantic person (even though I am a lesbian), and I also have bi tertiary attraction (biaesthetic is one)

So it all starts with my complicated love life. I have a crush on a *very* straight girl irl (at she used to identify as straight), and there is also a boy who likes me, but I don't like him. We text a bit, but have only met once irl. Then, I met this girl and we've been texting a bit and she seems super nice, funny, and cool. She also has said that she likes me and is wondering if I'd be in a 'talking stage' with her. I said that I liked someone irl, but would still be interested in being her friend. It's hard to read emotions through texts, but I don't think she was surprised (as I was avoiding her questions if I liked her too), but I think she was hurt and it's only been a couple hours, but she isn't responding to my texts. I don't really know what to do as I like her, but even a bit of flirting feels like 'cheating' on my irl crush and makes me feel like a cheater cause I have an irl crush, a boy I'm texting, and this girl. I'm not flirting or anything with anyone other than that girl who likes me, but I can't help but feel like I'm cheating. Does anyone have any advice?

I will give an example: You are a lesbian female. But, You are attracted to a male fictional character, obvious keeping the fact that You don't feel attraction towards real-life males. Does that make You bisexual or keeps You a lesbian?

A lot of radinclus people say that the definition of “lesbian” changed after the lesbian separatism. What was lesbian separatism? (Please show reliable sources)

Ive had a very long gender and orientation journey over the years.

I first deiscovered i liked women at the age of ten and by eleven i identified as bisexual.

Later i discovered more genders and then identified as bisexual and polyromantic.

Once I got into high school I started questioning if i was ace. Which later I found out I was Abro- (sexual and romantic).

Since then I have been all over the ace and aro spectrum. The primary labels i've stuck with are bisexual, androromantic and aroaceflux. But im starting to wonder if i might be lesbian....

Orientaion labels can be hard because many tend to rely on gender, being gxnderflxid makes it kind of difficult.

I think ive figured out i only want to be in romantic relationships with men and not women. But i think im starting to realize i want a s3xual relationship with women (or a femal aligned individual), not men (or masc aligned individuals).

I feel some attraction towards men but dont ever really want to do anything about it. But women make me feel a whole different way. So i guess maybe i'd just be a fem leaning bisexual?

I dont really know if i can use the label lesbian because i'd like to consider myself male-aligned and am also still attracted to men

To try and sum it up. Im a masc leaning genderfluid who romantically is attracted to women (slightly) and men, but only wants to date men. And who is s3xually attracted to women and men (slighlty), but only wants to be intimate with women (men occasionally)

Can anyone helpp....?

Aaron ,, Any prns

CW: I'm having the worst mental health lately, so here's a vent about something that happened to me 2 days ago…

A LITTLE CONTEXT: I remember a sleepover with my crush when we were 11; we stayed up till 1 in the morning looking at pictures in her old yearbooks and laughing our heads off at them because we were so sleep deprived and delirious. Then there was the whole time that I found out I was attracted to her. We were both sharing the same bed since she had a queen-size bed, because she was rich, and she was turned away from me facing the wall, and I was facing up towards the ceiling. I just remember having thoughts about her, wishing for her to turn around, let her fingers lightly graze down my skin, press her lips against mine, and pull me into her warm embrace. I just pretended these feelings didn't exist, and the next day, while we were sitting at the bar eating breakfast, I remember feeling so flustered and blushing, trying to hide my feelings as I listened to her chat with her mother about how we stayed up late and laughed so much.

My crush has totally messed up my idea of what I want in a future partner. She's set the bar so high that no one else even comes close. I keep comparing everyone to her and hoping to find someone with her qualities, but I know deep down that no one can replace her. It's like I'm searching for a love as amazing as what we had, but it's making me feel like I'll never find anyone who makes me feel the same way. I ache for her presence, the conversations we shared, and the way she touched my soul.

I don't wanna move on or forget these memories and just leave them behind. That'd mean giving up on my crush, and I don't wanna do that. It feels like if I let go, I'd be forgetting her and all the awesome times we had and how amazing she made me feel. Wanting something that probably wasn’t gonna happen anyway isn’t healthy, but I’m too stubborn to just let go. I don’t want new friends or new relationships—I just want her. I want my crush and my old life when I was a kid. I’ve been holding on to the past so tightly that I can’t let go anymore.

If it weren’t for my mother constantly moving in with new boyfriends (my mother would get a new boyfriend every other year and only after two months of dating them, she would force us to move in with him), crush and I might still be together. My family and I wouldn’t have had to move to a different state every other year if things had been different with my mother.

My crush's straight… or at least has a boyfriend. You have no idea how much seeing that picture on her profile broke my heart. My stomach dropped.

I never had a chance. What the heck is wrong with me? There isn't a feeling worse than finding out the person you've been in love with for the last 7 years had no chance of being attracted to you. I knew she was straight, and I was prepared to get rejected, but I didn't know it was going to hurt this much. I can't believe I ever thought I had a chance with her. I feel so stupid.

Both of the people I've had a crush on aren't interested in me because of their sexualities, and all the guys I've dated were just narcissistic, abusive jerks. Maybe this is some kind of message from God that I'm destined to be alone forever.

My grandma always said God has a plan for everyone. What's mine? Endless suffering? Isolation? To be despised by everyone around me? To rot away into nothing? I've been through abuse, neglect, loneliness, and failure in everything I've tried.

I'm so lonely and I have no one to talk to. I have no friends and my family are backstabbing jerks. I have no one.

I'm not just depressed because my crush's straight. I'm depressed because every damn relationship I've ever had has fallen apart. Friendships, romantic relationships, even basic connections with my own family! It's like no matter what I do, I end up alone, and it's not fair! It's not fair at all!

This was supposed to be my happily ever after, but it's not. It was supposed to be BFF to strangers to lovers, not BFF to strangers... Our relationship wasn't supposed to cap out at strangers. I guess I just... I thought there was a chance, you know? A chance that we could be more, but now... It feels like everything I hoped for was just a fantasy inside my head.

Everything feels like it's falling apart. I'm so stupid for ever having hope. I'm so lonely. I never thought I would get to this point because I've always loved being alone. Being alone was paradise for me. I've never felt lonely before.

So many wonderful people have come into my life, bringing joy, happiness, and love, only to leave forever. All the friends and crushes that I would spend the rest of my life with haven't been in my life for over 7 years now.

Not once has my family ever stopped to ask me how I feel when I was showing clear signs of depression. It's like they don't even care about me. Nobody has ever cared about me.

No one in my family seems to notice that my mental health is getting worse. I stay in my room all day—more than usual; I sleep for 14+ hours a day; I don't take care of myself; I don't eat unless other people force me to. All they do is joke about me finally being awake or emerging from my room like I just woke up from a 1,000-year nap. I hate those jokes so much. I've expressed how much I hate them, but they won't stop. No one seems to notice my pain.

I feel so lonely and alienated from everyone—even my own blood relatives. No one understands me or even cares to learn to understand me. Why is it so hard to be happy?

I regret never telling her how I felt when we were friends. I’m never going to find someone who made me feel as special as she did. I'm so lonely, and it's becoming unbearable…

I just want friends. People I can connect to emotionally and talk to and spend my days with. I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm so lonely… I can't take this pain anymore…

— Rowan (he/they/vae)

I have no idea how to come out to my family! But i really want to so my brother stops saying things like "when are you getting a boyfriend" or people will stop using she/her pronouns for me.

I've only come out to my friends and even that was hard. I once tried coming out but it was denied and called a 'phase'.

Two of my friends have been able to come out and said it was easy but i just don't know what i should do

Today is M-spec lesbian visibility day, so anyone who identifies that way, I'm letting you know that you are no longer invisible.

You may want to hide now as your invisibility spell has run out.

I see you. 😈 /threat

Anyways y'all are valid, y'all are great, have a great day. (Directed at everyone, but m-spec lesbians especially)

why are queer people such jerks!?!?!?!? i have met so many queer people who are just straight-up jackasses. i can't live my own life; love who i love; or even try to change the minds of queerphobes without queer queerphobes coming in and invalidating my advice. ╰（‵□′）╯

it's so annoying, and i seriously hate the lgbt community! no joke! i'm a lesbian and polyamorous, and even i have started to become queerphobic!

nyaa~! my name is stellarfeline, but chu can call me stellar-chan or stella-chan! i'm aliencatgender, so please use ix/meow/nya/candy pronouns for me, uwu. i'm a polyamorous wittle lesbian, dreamsexual, and animesexual! i hope we can be the bestest of friends! (^///^)

TW: caps, mentions of sex, healing

So, I’m thinking of a tender scenario about OC #2 and OC #1 where to prove that OC #2 isn’t a lesbian, OC #1 dares her to have sex with her, and if OC #2 doesn’t like it, then OC #2 isn’t a lesbian, and OC #1 promises to stop teasing her about it. Well, during it, OC #1 was cracking jokes, trying to lighten the mood, since OC #2 and be tense even when enjoying herself. OC #2 told her that they should just stop. OC #1 then gets insure and says that she should have never told OC #2 to have sex with her. OC #2 then asks if OC #1 regrets having sex with her. OC #1, not wanting to reveal her true feelings for OC #2, asks OC #2 if she regretted having sex with her instead. Then OC #2 gets insuire, because she DID like it, but she was raised in a homophobic household and feels bad for having a crush on her best friend who is a girl, OC #1.

OC #1, seeing that OC #2 is mentally struggling, says, “Hey, nobody has all the answers right away. Learning, especially learning about yourself, takes time. If you're questioning your sexuality, then that's fine. Take your time to process how you feel before labeling yourself. Your parents don't define who you are. YOU define who you are.”.

I’m crying. I don’t know why I’m crying just thinking about that. I don’t know why that’s rocked me so hard. I guess I just really needed to hear that. Even if it was from myself. Is this acceptance? Am I accepting myself? Is this the first step in the healing process of understanding my queer identity? Because of GOD, it feels good!

I LOVE loving myself!

At 10, I had a crush on my best friend, who shared a name similar to my current dead name. We bonded over the fact that our names were similar. Later, I started dating a boy, but the relationship didn't work. After a heartbreak, my best friend helped me end the relationship, allowing us to spend time together and talk.

When she and I were 13 years old, we had our first sleepover together. We shared laughter and joy, went swimming in the lake, raced on our bikes, and looked through her old yearbooks.

As we settled into her bed, the warmth of her presence enveloped me, igniting a flurry of emotions I couldn't quite comprehend. In that moment, I realized, with a fluttering in my chest, that it wasn't just friendship I felt for her. It was something deeper, something stirring within me like a gentle whisper in the night.

Lying there beside her, my thoughts tangled in the web of newfound feelings, I found myself lost in a whirlwind of emotions. And then, as morning struck, I sat across from her at breakfast, concealing the rush of emotions beneath a façade of nonchalance, all the while my heart secretly yearning for her, silently whispering the truth I dared not speak.

I moved away later that year to a new state and made new friends, but I never forgot about her. She will always be my best friend, even if I haven't seen her in 4 years. I haven't even seen her. She has a TikTok, but I can't remember her handle. And it pains me.

Lately, though, I've been thinking about her again. I want to be with her. If not her lover, then her best friend forever. I just really want to see her again, and it's eating away at me that I will never find someone like her. There's just something about her that is different from all the other girls. When I was with her, it was like she was the only other person there; there was this soft white glow around her, telling me things were going to be okay. It's so hard to explain how *much* I feel for her.

If I can't be her lover, then I want to have a 'passionate friendship', which is a non-sexual, non-romantic, emotionally and physically intimate relationship between friends.

She was my first crush on a girl, so I guess that's why I feel this way. You can never really get over your first crush, huh?

I just yearn for her right now and needed to get it off my chest.

TW: caps, homophobia and internalized homophobia, physical assault, abuse

I guess I really am fictosexual because it physically pains me that I can't date my OCs or other fictional characters, like sometimes I'll start crying. Fictional characters are just so much better than real people. They're hotter and have way better character arcs and if I want to know something about them, I just look at their wiki. I guess I really do have a type.

I am drawn to characters with complex personalities, emotional struggles, unique abilities, moral dilemmas, and magical powers, as well as the mystical and enchanting nature of magic.

Most of the time, they are stereotypical mean/rich girls. They are also blonde. 90% of the love interests of my OCs are rich, mean, popular, blonde girls who are very smart.

Some of my fictional crushes are: Amity Blight, Apple White (Ever After High), Buttercup (PowerPuff Girls), Catra (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), Diana Cavendish, Eijiro Kirishima, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, Himiko Toga, Homura Akemi, Hunter (The Owl House), Izumi Miyamura, Katsuki Bakugo, Keigo Takami, Killua Zoldyck, Komi Shouko, Komi Shousuke, Komi Shuuko, L (Death Note), Levi Ackerman, Lois Lane (My Adventures With Superman), Mary Saotome, Mitsuki Bakugo, Miya Chinen, Momo Yaoyorozu, Pacifica Northwest, Raven (DC Comics), Raven Queen (Ever After High), Ray (The Promised Neverland), Sasha Waybright, Shota Aizawa, Shoto Todoroki, Superman (My Adventures With Superman), Tomura Shigaraki, and Toya Todoroki.

Many of the characters are well-developed, resilient characters with superhuman abilities, unique skills, and diverse female characters, showcasing an appreciation for the fantastical and extraordinary aspects of narrative telling.

I have a problem when it comes to rich, mean, popular, blonde girls (cisgender or not), 🥺👉👈"Mommy…"

I like it when rich, mean, popular, blonde girls in the media are redeemed, like Pacifica Northwest. Her slight character development in Northwest Mansion Mystery (s02e10) was amazing!

In a previous post, summed up it said, "At 10, I developed a crush on my best friend, who helped me start dating a boy. Their relationship led to bullying and harassment. At 13, we had a sleepover, and I fell in love with her.". She was white blonde, and rich. Just saying!

My deep affection for Sapphire (name changed for lore spoilers) is palpable in the way I describe her complexities, struggles, and innermost desires. She's not just a character to me; she's a fully realized individual with layers of depth and emotion. My connection to Sapphire reflects a profound appreciation for characters who defy societal norms and grapple with internal conflicts.

Sapphire's journey of self-discovery and acceptance resonates with many individuals who have faced similar challenges in understanding their own identities. Her struggle with internalized homophobia, influenced by her parents' expectations and societal pressures, adds a poignant realism to her character arc.

My love for Sapphire extends beyond her surface traits and into the intricacies of her personality and experiences. Whether she's presenting her facade to the world or revealing her true self to her close friends, Sapphire embodies the complexities of identity and the human experience.

My dedication to developing Sapphire's character through headcanons and imagined scenarios speaks volumes about my creativity and investment in her story. It's clear that she holds a special place in my heart, and my deep affection for her shines through in every detail I've crafted.

I love her so much that it hurts that’s she only a fictional character and that I can’t really date her.

Would this be fictosexual/romantic? In video games, I tend to go for a female partner, but IRL I look for male partners. I like finding female partners and adopting kids together, spending time as a family, and growing old and dying together in the game. It's not a fetish. Growing up I always had a 'crush' on fictional women in cartoons. I always thought they were very pretty, but I thought that was a normal thing.

It’s not I hate females it’s just when I think about intercourse/sex I get sick to my stomach/anxiety/repulsed I still like to do everything else with them but thinking of getting naked/sex makes me sick to my stomach is there a sexualilty of this? I know it’s on ace spectrum or aro and greysexual/grey ace but I’ll still like a specific sexuality

TW: SA

I need help finding out my friendship orientation (if that's a thing???), my romantic orientation, and my sexuality. If that's not too much to ask for...

(Frendship) Yeah, growing up, I had friends; I just didn't put that much effort into maintaining the relationship. If we just stopped talking one day or had a falling out, I wouldn't care, and I would move on with my life. At my church as a kid, the only reason I had friends was because my mom and grandma forced me to spend time with them. I like talking to people, but I have a short social battery (I get physically and socially exhausted from being around people for too long; not talking to them, just being around them can make me tired), so if I don't know a person beat for beat, then I lose interest in them, and my social battery drains pretty fast. Nowadays, I hate people; I want nothing to do with them. Yeah, having online friends to talk to would be okay for me, but again, if we just stopped talking one day or had a falling out, I wouldn't care, and I would move on with my life without a care in the world. Even hanging out with someone close, like my cousin, makes me feel this way. We've known each other our whole lives, but she's just my cousin, you know? Yeah, we hang out sometimes and talk for hours on end, but she's not my best friend by any means. I only care for her in a family sense. A few weeks ago, I found out about friendship stances. I would say, nowadays, I'm friendship-repulsed, if that helps at all.

(Romance) In kindergarten, I was a hopeless romantic; I wanted the perfect husband. But now it's kind of just like, hmm... I remember one time I walked in on my mom watching a romance movie; it was the part where the actors were kissing, and I said that that was gross, as a joke. But I don't think it's a joke anymore. I like romance, but only in movies, books, and media. I don't want it to happen to me at all. I DO feel romantic attraction, and I DO get crushes, but the crushes usually fade away after a few days, and I go back to my day to day life. I don't feel like aromantic describes me because I do feel romantic attraction. And not the "little to no romantic feelings" that other aromantics feel. I feel like it's slightly less than the average person's romantic experience, if that makes any sense? I love reading romantic and fanfiction. But for me personally engage in romantic activities is something that makes me cringe or feel icky inside. !!!TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD!!! When I was around 9 years old, I was friends with this boy my age. My grandma would buy eggs from his mom, as his family were farmers. When my grandma went over, I would stay for a few hours to play with him. One time, it was a very hot summer day, and he and I were outside playing. I got really hot, and I saw he had an ice pop. I asked him if I could have one, and he said go ahead. I looked in his freezer, but I didn't see any, so I asked him where they were. He said he knew where they were, but he would not show me unless I kissed him. I was really hot, so I agreed to kiss him. I was desperate. He took me into the garage, off to the side of his house. We hid behind an old couch, and he kissed me. He then gave me an ice pop. I didn't really mind the kiss or anything. But the more I went over, the more he made me kiss him for no reason. I said I didn't want to kiss him, and he said he was going to tell his mom that I kissed him. I was a child in a highly Christian family and town. I was scared of what my family was going to do if I romantically engaged with someone before marriage. So, out of fear, I continued to kiss him in different hiding spots. Whenever my grandma asked me if I wanted to go over to his house to play, I would decline and just stay home. I felt horrible inside. I barely ever went to his house after that. Months later, my family and I moved away, and I was so happy to get away from him. When I was 15 years old, I was writing a story, and in the story, a girl was forced to kiss this guy, so I looked it up, and I fucking cried. I found out that this whole kissing thing was a sexual assault. After that, romance was a touchy topic, but now I feel that it's just another burden for me, both from trauma and just my own feelings of experiencing it sometimes or my crushes just fading.

(Sexuality) (I'm AFAB) Every once in a while, I'll just get super insecure about my gender identity and orientation and feel that the labels I identify with do not describe me anymore. So I go down a rabbit hole, looking for new labels. I know I'm on the M-spec. I'm attracted to males, females, transgenders, agender, bigender, demigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, non-binary, pangender, cisgender, xenogender—I love all genders, but I DO have a preference. It's for AMAB. So that's the 'default' sex for me to be attracted to. This is actually why I question my sexuality so often. I'm like heterosexual, but sometimes I have an overwhelming attraction to AFAB (females). Which would make me bisexual, but I'm also willing to date or sexually engage with anyone of ANY gender not just any AGAB. I've only dated and had a many crush on males, but only had a crush on any other gender because of my religious upbringing. I DO see gender, unlike pansexuality, and dating or having feelings for different genders feels different to me. From five to thirteen years old, I realized I had a crush (romantic attraction) and a smush (sexual attraction) on my female and male teachers and friends. They were people I was familiar with and knew decently well. When I was in the fifth grade, I was friends with this girl. At school, I felt a little romantically attracted to her, but once I went to her house to have a sleepover and slept in the same bed as her, I had some very interesting thoughts involving us… together… dating. In my last year of middle school, I was friends with this girl, and I remember being so happy and blushing when she came out to me. I dreamed of telling her how I felt about her and being in a romantic relationship with her. One day, I was just sitting in class minding my business and doing my classwork when, out of nowhere, I went, "Huh… I guess I'm bisexual.". Then I pushed it to the back of my mind and never thought about it again. Until my junior year in high school, that was. I was joking with my brother that our youngest brother was a trans woman because he acts feminine and has the same body shape as our mom (It was an inside joke; it was not meant to be harmful), and my brothers were joking that I was a lesbian and a trans man. That's when I once again got super insecure about my sexual orientation and gender identity. So, I started searching for gender identity, sexual orientation, and pronoun Wikipedias, trying to find who I was. I don't really care what the gender of my partner is; as long as we vibe, I'm down. Bisexual, to me at least, doesn't fit me because it means attraction to only two genders (bi literally means 2), and most of the time it's males and females. Pansexual doesn't fit me because I do have a preference, I'm not gender blind. And Polysexual doesn't fit me because it's described as "the sexual attraction to many, but not all, genders," and that's not true for me. I like all genders, but with a preference. I'm willing to date all genders, but I'm more likely to chose a man (trans, cis, masculine presentation, whatever) over other genders.

Do you know what I am? The help would be very much appreciated!

I posted this on the LGBTQ wiki as well, but for those who aren't on there I want to share my story here aswell:

So recently I've been researching into the aroace lesbian label. I recently watched JaidenAnimations aroace video...and let me tell you. I related to everything in that video. EVERYTHING. And also learning more about aroaces with orientations, I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm an aroace lesbian, rather than ace and demiromantic. I've also decided to call myself agender, and for a long time it took a long time to get there because I couldn't accept the fact that I didn't have a gender or maybe there's something wrong with me, but I think I've personally discovered something new about myself. 🏳️‍🌈💚💜🖤